How to Overcome Traumatic Experience in Relationships

Traumatic experiences in relationships occur after a complex, traumatic relationship. There are many ways that help to be healed. Sometimes they are useful on their own; sometimes they only help with therapy.

1. Take an active stance against your trauma. Resist being a victim and don’t succumb to trauma. Be active. Do what is good for you. Remember: the more you think about trauma, the greater it becomes.

2. Refocus on the vision of the present and work on it. Change it, supplement it, seek it.

3. Run after that vision, regardless of whether you feel the strength to do it or not.

4. Release the past – live the present. Move the trauma of love to the past and leave it there.

5. You have the right to be happy. Get rid of the trash in your head. It’s just the brain’s response to life threats, but it’s something that doesn’t help in moving towards your preferred future.

6. Open the circuit between the expectations that you had from the relationship, and what really happened. Life is not fair. Replace anger and frustration with your partner with something better.

7. Accept the fact that love is vulnerable. Why did you decide that this could not happen to you?

8. Wounds do not kill. But they do not make us stronger. Do not let the trauma grow and infect everything. Having a wound doesn’t mean that you are dead; it means that it should be healed.

9. If you cannot fall asleep for more than 20 minutes, get up and do quiet things. When you want to sleep, go to bed again. Get up if you can’t fall asleep again.

10. Feeling that your offender deserves punishment and striving to become an instrument of retaliation is different. The thirst for revenge will take away all your strength.

11. Focus on your desire for romantic love.

12. Have a medical examination. Do something that is right for you.

13. Strengthen the positive aspects of your life and narrow the negative ones.

14. Do not isolate yourself. Do not leave people. Keep in touch with family and friends. Let them know what you are up to.

15. Start perceiving your trauma as a small part of you; don’t focus on it, accept new challenges and obtain new positive baggage.

16. Get your smile back and try to experience moments of joy.

17. Restrain your defeatist mood, but if you suspect that you are experiencing depression, consult a doctor.

18. You can find love. Do not let the trauma of love make you feel that you are unworthy of it. You won’t be able to start dating Ukrainian ladies if you don’t believe in true love.

19. Avoid drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sexual intercourse as ways to deal with pain.

20. Listen to music about love. Experience joy and pain of love.

21. Find (remember) other experiences and emotions besides pain.

22. Restore self-esteem and your strength. Find a specialist to help you understand why the trauma of love has been so devastating for you.

23. Create a personal “support club.” Let it be in your head. Open access to all who support you and who look positively at your future. Close the entrance to the club to those who criticize you, people who blame you and shame, trying to correct you.

24. Start a piggy bank of completed projects. Put awards, certificates, or just your notes about what you managed to accomplish, what new skill you have mastered.

25. If you are paired with the person who hurt you, go to couple therapy. Do not get stuck in the game like “you are to blame, and you are the reason that I am suffering,” get out of it by clarifying what happened and changing plans for the future.

26. Transform the trauma of love into a growth point. Reconsider this point not as the moment from which your life began to crumble but as the moment that unfolded you into another vector of life.

27. Give yourself time to heal. It may take months and even years. But do not surrender to your suffering completely and permanently. Along with the healing process, go to the future and realize your plans and dreams.

28. Get rid of shame and start telling people around you about your experiences. Perhaps your experience will help other people survive this. You might write a series of posts or even a book. Maybe you will create a support group or a charity fund. We are not alone in our pain; many people need to receive information from both experts and those who have experienced the pain of love.

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